Tuesday, June 6, 2017

IWSG: Before Match.com - The Real Matchmakers


It's time for another edition of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.  Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh and the rest of the talented writers who are always willing to lend a helping hand.

                                       Before Match.com - The Real Matchmakers

June 28, 1987

As our 30th anniversary is approaching, it seems only fitting to tell the story of how we met. It all began when my dear friend Lily called to tell me about an upcoming dating show on cable. She said that her client was a Jewish matchmaker who offered to fix her up. When she told her that she was engaged, she asked her if she knew of anyone who might be interested. She knew that I would enjoy being on a dating show, so I thanked her for thinking of me.  A few minutes later, the matchmaker called me at work.

She started firing off personal questions, as I trembled in my cubicle.  I finally cut her off when the subject of weight came up, though I would give anything to trade my 1986 stats right now. The next step was to set up a meeting in person, and afterward she would collect her generous fee. When I asked about the cable dating show, she said that she was still working on it.  I told her to call me back when she had more information.

A few weeks later, I received another call at work. The matchmaker told me that she had several new clients who would love to meet me,  and she "desperately" needed women in my age group. I was a tall, twenty-four-year-old Jewish blond, with good child bearing hips. What's not to like?  I asked again about the dating show which was probably never going to happen in the first place. So there was no TV offer, and she admitted that she was "desperate." This was a true Seinfeld moment when I had "hand."

I offered to meet her if she sent me on a free trial date. The matchmaker said it was out of the question. Then I replied, "Since you told me that you were 'desperate,' I don't see why I should have to pay you." At the time I worked in the advertising department at a magazine, so she suggested I help her with advertising instead. Hence, we set up a meeting for the following week.

The matchmaker looked like Dr. Ruth, and was a compact powerhouse. Since many of her clients were older religious men from New York, she immediately started asking me questions about how observant I was. When she asked me if I ever ate bread during Passover, I answered her honestly.

She sternly replied, "Do you know what the bible said about what happened to people who ate bread on Passover?  It said that they were stoned." Suddenly, I wasn't so excited about my trial date. Then she took my picture to share with her partner, and sent me on my way.  

Her partner must have liked the terrified expression on my face, because I got a call a few days later. We went to a nice Chinese restaurant for dinner. He didn't laugh or try to sneak out when I started choking on the hot n sour soup. It turned out that he lived down the street from her younger partner who had been trying to fix him up for years. She bent the rules by showing him my picture, and he decided to call me. I fell in love with my trial date, and we were engaged six months later.

My friend Lily stood up in our wedding, and later ran into the matchmaker. She always came to see her during the clothing shows in search of sample sales. Though she had only met my husband briefly when she crashed our wedding she told my friend, "You know, he was much too good for her." 

Note: This is a repost from 2012, shortly before our 25th anniversary

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

IWSG: The Maniacal Miserable Tour


It's time for another edition of the  Insecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh and the rest of the talented writers.

The following is a repost from October, 2013 in honor of Mother's Day:

Mom (in  practical off- the-shoulder hiking attire) with our dear girlfriends and tour guide at Masada

Last week my husband's cousins from Israel came to visit. They had shown us such a wonderful time when we were out there, and we thoroughly enjoyed seeing them again. This brought back memories of my first trip to Israel with my mom in 1984.

It all began when one of my mom's oldest and dearest friends and her husband asked her to join them on a tour of Israel. My mom invited me, and then another close friend decided to share a room with us. I loved her friend dearly, but sometimes they would just get too rowdy late at night when I was trying to sleep. Neither of them knew how to whisper, and I remember curling up with my pillow in the hallway one night until my mom dragged me back in. Yes, I was clearly not the fun one in the group.

Mornings were like boot camp with the three of us sharing one bathroom. My mom woke up two hours before we did to get a head start. She put on her makeup and teased her hair for an hour and a half before it was my turn. I had to take a quick shower while my mom got dressed. Next our friend moved at the speed of light. She was showered and completely ready in about seven minutes flat. Everything was precisely planned out so that there wasn't even a hint of humidity in the air while my mom ignited herself with hairspray. Between the hairspray and cigarette smoke, it was refreshing to go on a tour bus through the smoldering hot desert.

We traveled to Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and the resort city of Eilat. A highlight was when an eighty year old woman in our group grabbed my arm, and we climbed Masada together. I started screaming for back up when my mom came up behind me. She was sporting an off the shoulder mountain climbing number when she said through clenched teeth, "Shut up Julie. You're embarrassing yourself."

My reward was sitting in the death seat on the bus ride back to the hotel. We all took turns up front next to the fan, and everyone who sat there caught a terrible cold. Everyone that is, except my mom.

In Tel Aviv, I took a day off to go to the beach. There I met a tall, skinny young man who was quite chatty. At first I thought he was being friendly until he turned into a bit of a stalker. After he followed me to my hotel across the street, I politely sat with him by the pool. Then he asked me for a glass of water. I told him to get one at the bar, but he thought it would taste better in my room. I asked him if he thought all Americans were easy, and he said yes. Needless to say, I finally ditched him, and double bolted my door.

Another hotel had a beautiful jewelry store. The owner's son was very cute and flirty, so my mom kept nudging me to flirt back. The next day he called to ask me out. He was very busy, and could only meet at midnight. After I didn't accept his invitation, my mom was disappointed. She couldn't believe that I turned down a nice Jewish boy who was the son of a jeweler. What could possibly happen with a stranger in a foreign country at midnight when odds were good we could get a discount on jewelry cleaner?

Based on those experiences, I would've never dreamed of marrying an Israeli. Though after twenty six years of marriage, my husband would be the first to tell you his wife is a shining example that not all American women are easy.

Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

The Joke's On Me


Welcome to the April edition of the IWSG, Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh, and all of the other talented writers.

The IWSG and the blogging community have always held a special place in my heart, because the writers welcome all writing styles, and are always quick to laugh at each other and themselves. Unfortunately, the real world isn't always as understanding.

My first experience with disgruntled readers occurred in a most unlikely news story. I was writing about a talented sculptor and writer who penned his first book at 90. He was an entertaining interview who led an incredible life that filled at least two or three books. Then the conversation shifted when I asked him about his love life. He jokingly said, "I run around with a few crazy old women." I laughed, our photographer laughed and even his publicist laughed. Unfortunately, one of the "crazy old women" had a different reaction when she read about it.

The story made the front page, so it received a lot of coverage in our community. What started as a joke from a charming 90-year-old-man was seen as a vicious attack on his lady friend. Her daughter wrote letters saying how this man had ruined her reputation and her life. I decided to act upon receipt of the second letter.

I thought long and hard about my response. She assured me that her mother was a well-educated  pillar of the community that deserved to be treated with the utmost respect. The mother and daughter seemed to be more concerned about being labeled as "crazy" than the fact that there was at least one other woman in the picture. I couldn't say that the man was joking, because that would've only added insult to injury. I also couldn't try to reach the daughter by phone, because I doubted the dispute could be settled in one phone call.

The only logical step was to write a letter from one doting daughter to another. I thought about how protective I was of my mom and commended her for being such a wonderful daughter. Of course, if she only knew that my mom and I battled wits on my blog, she would've never forgiven me.

I tossed and turned all night wondering how the mother and daughter would react. Fortunately,
she sent an email the next morning saying that they appreciated my thoughtful response. They decided to stay clear of this narcissistic nonagenarian, and move on with their lives.

Little did they know the context of our conversation was that his lady friends enjoyed going to the opera and other events and he just wanted to have someone to spontaneously go out for dinner with now and then. I never had the opportunity to explain that in the article, as I was adhering to the word count, and had a difficult time paring down his life story. However, I never professionally wrote that anyone was "crazy" again, as it's no joking matter at any age.

Of course my mom didn't understand what the big deal was, because she loves being spontaneous as long as she has plenty of notice.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Mom's Powers of Persuasion

Welcome to the March edition of The Insecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh and all of the talented writers who are always willing to offer their support.

Positivity, Confidence, Empathy, Active Listening, Conscientiousness, Willingness To Compromise, Comfort With Silence, Authenticity and Flexibility, are "9 Personality Traits of the Most Persuasive People," according to a Feb. 13 article in Inc. Magazine.

When it comes to my mom, we can definitely scratch Compromise and Flexibility off the list. Once when a neighbor in the nursing home dropped by, my mom wouldn't see her, because she didn't have an appointment.

While on the outside my perfectly coiffed mom looks almost docile at first glance, inside lurks the mind of a hunter out to tame even the wildest beast in the habitat. But in her case the habitat is comprised of a temperamental hairdresser, disagreeable tablemates, and over-worked nurse's aides.

My brother is constantly testing my mom's memory by asking her about current events and TV actors. If she stumbles on a name of a character from one of her favorite old movies, he immediately starts to panic. Sadly, he doesn't realize that she has more important things on her mind.

One night after dinner my mom called one of the nurse's aides over to her table. The only thing that I remembered about this woman was that she always looked like she'd rather be anywhere else. But on this particular night not only was this woman smiling, but when my mom asked her to sing, she sang a happy little tune for the whole table.

Later when we were back in the "privacy" of my mom's room: "What's wrong with you? They don't give you any privacy here. There aren't even locks on the doors."

"Mom, that's for your own protection. What if there's an emergency and they need to get into your room quickly?"

"Well, I don't care about that."

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I was dying to know my mom's secret for turning that crabby nurse's aide into a Stepford Wife.

She just looked at me innocently and explained that she had a little talk with her.

Last weekend my husband and I saw the movie Get Out, and the mother in the movie is able to hypnotize her daughter's boyfriend by stirring a spoon in a tea cup. I will no longer drink hot tea with my mom.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

For The Sake of Arguing


Welcome to the February edition of  The Insecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit our host Alex J. Cavanaugh, as well as the other talented and supportive writers.
                                                     For The Sake of Arguing

The phone rang just as I was about to leave the house.
Mom: It's raining hard now, so you don't have to take me to physical therapy.
Me: But it was raining earlier.
Mom: Yes, but I'll just cancel my appointment. That way you won't get wet.
Me: You weren't worried about that before. I told you I don't mind. Besides, I made you lunch, and didn't you want to go shopping first?
Mom: Yes, but it's too much trouble going back and forth in the rain.
Me: It's not coming down as hard now, and don't you think you need the therapy to get stronger?
Mom: Well if it's not too much trouble.

Later that afternoon my mom told me that I really should be more patient.

This made me think about other ridiculous arguments I've had throughout the years. Shortly after I started driver's ed, my dad suggested that I drive to work. As I was pulling out of the driveway, my mom came home. She hopped in the back seat, while my dad sat by my side. All was calm, until I had to make a left turn without an arrow. My dad was telling me to be assertive and speed up before the light changed, while my mom was telling me to slow down. Instead, I got so nervous that I backed out of the intersection and waited for the next light. Needless to say, neither of my parents volunteered to take me driving again. 

The summer my younger son turned thirteen was during travel baseball season, so we decided to have a little celebration after the game. We ordered pizzas, and brought a cooler filled with soft drinks for the team. Earlier that evening I asked my husband to pick up a few bags of ice for the cooler at McDonald's. He asked me how much it would cost. I told him 99 cents a bag. Then he wanted to know how much other places in the area were charging to make sure that was the best price. I assured him that 99 cents was the best rate in the Chicagoland area, and that if he wanted to miss his son's birthday to scout for 97 cent bags of ice in Wisconsin, I'm sure he would understand. Of course, he still had to make some calls just in case there was a fire sale on ice at the end of July.  It took me a long time to thaw out from that whole experience.

After all these years, my mother still puts her foot on the imaginary passenger side brake whenever I make a left turn. As for my purchasing power, I'm in charge of finding the best deals on cars and the occasional travel destination, but I never go further than my freezer for ice.

*Note: This is a re-post from November 2011.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

IWSG: Goodbye To A Multi-Talented Mother & Daughter


Welcome to the first Insecure Writer's Support Group post of 2017. A special thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh for continuing to guide us and inspire us. Be sure to visit the rest of the supportive writers.
                                    Goodbye To A Multi-Talented Mother & Daughter
Debbie Reynolds & Carrie Fisher; abctvnews.com

It was the end of an era when Debbie Reynolds died on December 28 one day after her daughter Carrie Fisher. Fisher died from a heart attack while Reynolds died from a stroke. Her son Todd Fisher told 20/20 that his mother's final words were that she wanted to be with her daughter.

Debbie Reynolds planned on becoming a gym teacher until she won a Miss Burbank contest. Though she wasn't a dancer, an MGM talent scout was in the audience which led to her role with Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor in Singing In The Rain. Reynolds married singer Eddie Fisher and they were such close friends with Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Todd that they stood up in their wedding. Before Carrie turned two-years-old, Fisher left her mother for Elizabeth Taylor after her husband Michael Todd was killed in a plane crash.

Reynolds went on to marry two other successful men who later lost their fortunes as well as hers, but like her Academy Award nominated character in The Unsinkable Molly Brown, Reynolds always re-invented herself and never gave up. 

Known as Princess Leia in Star Wars, Carrie Fisher also was a talented writer. She wrote Postcards From The Edge, a witty look at being a patient in a rehab facility for drug and alcohol abuse. Meryl Streep and Shirley MacLaine played characters based on Fisher and Reynolds in the film version and Fisher explained that she was later diagnosed as manic depressive/bipolar which her mother said she inherited from her father's side of the family. That was one of many lines from Fisher's one-woman play Wishful Drinking that aired on HBO. 

The mother and daughter never lost their sense of humor and though they were estranged for many years, they reconciled and even lived next door to each other. Below are some of Fisher's best lines:

 "My body hasn't aged as well as I have."

 "Everyone drives somebody crazy, I just have a bigger car."

"The only exercise I get lately is running off at the mouth and jumping to conclusions."

After Reynolds wrote her 2013 biography, Unsinkable: A Memoir, she said, "These are my recollections. If you remember things differently, send me your version - but only if it's funnier."

This weekend I watched Wishful Drinking and The Unsinkable Molly Brown for the first time and found myself crying for Fisher and Reynolds. My husband also enjoyed the HBO special as well as the classic movie.

When my mom and I first heard about their deaths she told me how much she loved Debbie Reynolds and how she looked good until the end. She thought she was a wonderful singer, dancer and actress and she knew that she died of a broken heart before it was reported on the news.

I asked my mom if she thought the same thing could ever happen to her and she replied, "Yes, I would definitely die of a broken heart if God forbid anything ever happened to...your brother."


Wednesday, December 7, 2016

IWSG: Mrs. Temple's Guide To Having Daughters Will Curl Your Hair

It's hard to believe that this is the last Insecure Writer's Support Group post for 2016. Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh for getting us through another year with warmth and wisdom. 

I was hoping to write a classic holiday story, but ended up with a re-post about the mother of a classic child star. Of course, the real star in the story is my mom who isn't the least bit insecure.

                            Mrs. Temple's Guide To Having Daughters Will Curl Your Hair

Shirley Temple; photo courtesy of Michael Jackson World Network

As we were going through her long list of disappointments, my mom mentioned that I never gave her a granddaughter. Though she loves both of her grandsons dearly, she regrets I didn't also have a daughter.

When I tried to explain there was no guarantee my third child would've been a girl, she stopped me in my tracks. "Shirley Temple's mother wanted a little girl, and she knew exactly what to do to have one."

"What did Mrs.Temple do?"

"She went to a doctor who told her if she wanted an adorable little girl who could sing, dance, and be one of the biggest stars in the world, her husband would have to get his tonsils out."

"And did he?"

"Of course he did. Not only was Shirley Temple a huge child star, but she went on to become an ambassador."

I immediately searched the Internet, and found a 1988 excerpt from Shirley Temple Black's autobiography Child Star in People Magazine. The energetic sixty-year-old wrote how her father had a tonsillectomy to "improve his chances of siring a female," after his two older sons were born. Apparently, my mom sat in on a guest speaker highlighting Shirley Temple Black's life.

Later, I asked my husband if he would've had his tonsils removed if we were assured of having a daughter. He reminded me of when he originally went in to have a tonsillectomy in fifth grade. He ended up spending several days in the hospital, and went home without having the procedure. I asked him if his parents visited him at all during that time, why he didn't have the tonsillectomy, and if he even got to have ice-cream? He answered "yes" to the ice-cream question.

I told my mom she could look forward to having granddaughter-in-laws, and great granddaughters. Cheerfully she remarked, "I won't live long enough to have a conversation with my great granddaughters."

Then I started thinking about what my relationships would be like with my future daughters-in-law. I remembered how it took a long time for me to grow on my mother-in-law. Fortunately, she started to like me after she turned ninety.

Happy Holidays!